Write the fictional story of your own funeral.
Belly Laughs And Wine
By Ann Edall-Robson
"Well, I’m not too sure how this happened. One minute I am enjoying the best belly laugh ever and a glass of wine with my best friend; and the next thing I know I am here. The family hadn’t seen this coming. Well, if the truth be known, neither did I.
“The place looks nice. Not exactly what I had in mind; but, It’ll do in a pinch.”
The chairs were leaning against the tables. Long rectangular affairs that were covered with burlap placemats over gingham table cloths.
“Why did they use purple gingham? They know I dislike that colour! They think I won’t know and it doesn’t matter.”
“Last wishes, children! Last wishes! MY Last Wishes, not yours.! “I wonder if they will ever listen or read the fine print. I spelled out in point form what was to be done when I died.
“Oh great. Here comes the blubberers! I expected some crying but not a whole box of kleenex worth. By the looks of it, they had better have brought lots with them.”
“I wonder why people can’t get it when someone says they want a celebration of their life.”
“I didn’t have a problem dancing on the tables at old Jim’s celebration. He wanted us to remember the good times. Boy did he and I have a good time the night they asked us to leave the dance because we were table dancing. HA! He would have had a good laugh when his kids asked me to leave his little soiree for re-living that memory.”
“Ahhh well…now, who is that coming in the door? Don’t recognize them. The kids seem to know who they are. I guess they are some of their friends. Nice for them to have some of their own kind in tow at a thing like this.”
“Jeeeeze Luweeeze, who in the heck ordered the white lilies? I know, I know. I always said they reminded me of death, but I sure didn’t mean mine! Wild flowers and lots of them would have been my choice. Guess I missed that on my check list of “this is what I want”.”
“More blubbering. Reeeaaally! Boy is this ever going to be a long afternoon if people don’t lighten up.”
“Ahhhh, the oldest is trying to get everyone to listen. Hehehehe. Now they know what I went through when I wanted them to listen to me.”
“Put your fingers in your mouth and whistle like I taught you.”
“That’s better. Now what were you going to say now that you have everyone’s attention?”
“Late comers. Oh, of course it’s them. They are always late for everything. Something about making an entrance. Sucks to be them. This time it’s me that’s the important one. No one will give a hoot when they arrived. I know I don’t.”
“Oh, here goes . . .”
The oldest was starting to speak at the front of the room.
“Everyone here knew Mom for the person she was. “
“Now who is that snickering? Figures it would be her. She never could say anything nice about anyone. Always negative, negative, negative about everyone and everything.”
“Mom wanted us to come together and celebrate her life by enjoying the day telling stories, having some good food and a few refreshments. So if anyone has a story that you promised never to tell, today would be the day to share it, because she’s not here to give you that look.”
“That’s what you think. Let’s see who has guts enough to drag the skeletons out of the closet.”
“I don’t have to be here in person. They won’t tell anything because it would implicate them in anything they have to share. Let’s see who would be silly enough to spill the beans without thinking of how it would look for them”.
“Wow, there’s Mr. Crookman. Never thought he would show up. Right, forgot, he goes to all the funerals in town. Always takes advantage of the free food and beverages.”
“Wait just a minute, Mr Crookman is going to speak! Hmmm, I wonder what I did that was story worthy enough for him to share.”
He cleared his throat and started. “The lady we are here for today, was a good, honest person. Her only fault? Well, most of you already know what that is, so I don’t need to elaborate. I just came to say goodbye and get something to eat and drink.“
“If anyone else gets up, I am going to have to rattle the cutlery or something to give them something to think about before they get started. ”
“I see my best friend Nancy has arrived. She is so awesome. Her, I will miss the most! Arms flailing, animated facial expressions, and that laugh. She re-tells the best stories. She will have them in stitches all afternoon. Good on you Nancy. You go girl. I will always have your back.”
“People are starting to leave. Oh my, look at the time. I am not really ready to be left alone here, you know. It was not my choice to leave everyone so quickly but I guess you all know that.”
“I think I’ll go over here and mess up the ugly table cloths and see if anyone notices.
Bet they won’t! They are all so absorbed in themselves. Even the ones that didn’t know me are weepy. Jeeeeesh. Maybe I am glad this day is over. I’ll just see them to the door and maybe pick up on a bit of gossip.”
“It was good to see everyone again. It seems, once again, that it took a funeral to get us all together. Although some of you do know I will be around to check on you to make sure you’re getting on OK.”
“I wonder what Crookman meant about my only fault?”